Satire and Essays – The Commonplace Notebook

Dictionary of Deplorable Idioms

Play the Devil’s Advocate

A figure of speech which means to play the role of the opposing, usually less popular side of an argument. Has little or nothing to do with the actual devil, unless of course one is literally defending Lucifer in a court of law or at least championing some of Satan’s seditious philosophies. One might properly call himself the devil’s advocate if, for example, he publishes a treatise on the merits of eating, drinking, and being merry—on the rhetorical basis that since we will die on the morrow, no degree of salvific action is worth exerting. (I once had a colleague at Oxford who attempted this very feat—and with remarkable success.)

Quintessence

Fire

Raging passion. Kindled sparks. Conflagrant fury and murderous bloodlust. Unbridled energy. Insurgent power. Ardent ambition and flaring potential. Warmth and hope. Burning love and incendiary ideas. Flickering beauty in celestial embers.

Deadly “Sins”

Pride

A pride of lions, streaking majestically across the savannah to hunt for their young. A father and mother, proud to overflowing of their child’s achievements. A nation of Yankee patriots, proud of the freedoms they have won for generations to come.

Ten Commandments

Thou shalt have no other gods before me—

—but that’s not to say you should only have one God. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost: All one God, but at the same time three, like a three-leaf clover, or the anatomy of an egg, or Neapolitan ice cream, or whichever analogy suits your fancy. Not monotheistic, but monolatrous.

Music Piracy: The “Justified” Sin—and How to Avoid It

NOTE: I wrote a similar essay back in 2014, but this article focuses on both the ethics and practical solutions to the issue and was originally written for a Church magazine audience. After my internship ended, I never got around to submitting it and have instead decided to publish it here!

7 Ways to Produce a Totally Invincible Political Argument

1. Always Generalize

When it comes to winning political debates—particularly on the internet—there’s no better way to assert your rhetorical dominance than to open by grouping your opponents into one homogenous bubble.

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Why Toy Story 4 Has the Superior Ending

It’s been long enough since Toy Story 4 released that I feel comfortable openly discussing its somewhat controversial ending. And now I am here to explain my somewhat unpopular opinion:

Toy Story 4‘s ending is BETTER than Toy Story 3‘s.

In Praise of Fear

Many of us have been taught for most of our lives that fear is a sign of human weakness, an instrument of the Adversary to be avoided at all costs. After all, fear is the opposite of faith; therefore, it is not of God and has no place in the hearts of His people.

Today, however, I wish to speak in praise of fear.

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Why the Book of Mormon Has Been Changed Thousands of Times

Last night I finished reading an 1830-edition Book of Mormon, the very first printed script of the book.

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Pixar Theory: The Toy Story 4 Villain Will Be…Molly?

Super Carlin Brothers has already made a video exploring possible villains for The Incredibles 2…but not for Toy Story 4. After careful watching and unexpected inspiration, I’ve developed a surprisingly solid theory about the identity of the villain of this final installment. But it will require some explaining.